Romance

Romance and romantic love involve ideas about love. These ideas include strong feelings of attraction toward one special person. This often leads to courtship or forming a close bond. Romance also describes the cultural practice of starting intimate relationships based on deep feelings, not just practical reasons. It can refer to a love story that begins this way.

In psychology, romantic love is a strong motivation. It is different from, but related to, the emotional bond we call attachment. The words "romance" and "romantic love" have many meanings. As the philosopher Arthur Lovejoy said, the word "romantic" can mean so many things that on its own, it may not mean much.

The idea of romantic love shaped the belief that people should choose their own marriage and sexual partners based on love. However, this ideal can be hard to achieve and brings both joy and challenges. Some people feel little or no romantic attraction at all and are known as "aromantic".

General definitions

The idea of "romantic love" has changed a lot over time, so it can be hard to define without looking at where it comes from in different cultures. In Western culture, it often means any kind of attraction between people. But "romance" and "love" are really different ideas.

People sometimes use "romantic love" to talk about relationships that are different from other types, like marriage, parent-child bonds, or friendships.

In fields like psychology, "romantic love" can mean a few different things. One psychologist, Dorothy Tennov, once talked about how people’s reactions to romantic love can be confusing.

The word "romance" comes from a Latin word meaning "Rome" or "Roman". After the Roman Empire fell, a Latin way of speaking was used to talk about languages that came from Latin. In Old French, this turned into words meaning the language itself and also stories written in it. In the Middle Ages, these stories became tales of brave knights and love, called chivalric romance.

Some of the earliest stories with romantic feelings were written by French poets called troubadours. Poets like Chrétien de Troyes wrote books showing ideas of perfect love. This idea of courtly love became a big part of stories about knights and love. The word “romance” came from these French stories.

Stories of romantic love often include tales of sad or impossible love, like Layla and Majnun, stories from Arthurian legend such as Lancelot and Guinevere, Tristan and Iseult, and Romeo and Juliet. Some stories, like Aucassin and Nicolette, end happily. Today’s romance novel began in the 1700s, with writers like Jane Austen. Modern examples include Twilight and Star Wars.

People who study society say that “romantic love” often means believing in an ideal kind of love.

Scientists have looked at romantic love from a biological point of view. They say it’s a strong feeling that helps people choose a partner and build relationships. This feeling involves the brain and chemicals like dopamine.

Different people experience love in different ways. Some prefer passionate, intense love, while others enjoy a calmer, steady kind of love.

Origin of romantic love

Further information: Biology of romantic love § Evolution of systems

Romantic love likely began in early humans a long time ago. Scientists study this using brain scans. These scans show that romantic love makes parts of the brain feel good. One idea is that romantic love helped people choose a partner by focusing attention and energy on one person. Another idea is that it changed parts of the brain used for bonding between parents and babies.

Some people once thought romantic love only existed in certain cultures, like in Europe. But studies show that almost all cultures have some form of romantic or passionate love. Even in cultures where it isn’t as strong or common, many people still experience it.

Culture affects how romantic love is viewed and practiced. For example, in some cultures, love isn’t seen as the main reason for marriage, and arranged marriages are common. Still, many people in these cultures say they fall in love after marrying. Overall, while romantic love is found everywhere, its role and importance can vary between different cultures.

Modern romance

Susan and Clyde Hendrick studied college students in 1993. They found that many talked about their closest friend like a romantic partner. Friendship love is often important in early relationships.

In 2016, Victor de Munck and David Kronenfield looked at how people in the United States, especially in upstate New York and New York City, think about romantic love. Many believe a good romantic relationship mixes excitement with comfort and friendship. People should feel happy to see their partner, share deep feelings, feel at ease with them, and support each other.

In 2008, British writer Iain King suggested six good rules for the start of a romance. These include understanding your own feelings, being honest about your interest, and clearly sharing your affection or disinterest.

Helen Fisher supported using personality matches and online dating services. A study showed that couples who met online were sometimes less happy than those who met in person. This might be because online dating gives too many choices or focuses too much on looks instead of real connections.

Philosophy

The philosopher Plato wrote about love in a book called the Symposium. In this story, friends share different ideas about love. One idea was that love feels like finding your "other half"—someone who completes you. Another idea was that true love means seeing deep, lasting beauty.

Later, during a time called the Romantic movement, people started to value strong feelings and personal passions more than rules or logic. Writers and thinkers looked at love as a powerful emotion that could inspire great art and stories. Some thought love could bring people together in happy marriages, while others thought it might lead to sadness. These ideas show how people have thought about love for many years.

Main article: Courtly love

Main article: Romanticism