Romance

Romance and romantic love involve many ideas about love, connected through history and different cultures. These ideas include strong feelings of attraction toward one special person, often leading to courtship or forming a close bond. Romance also describes the cultural practice of starting intimate relationships based on these deep feelings, rather than just practical reasons. It can refer to a love story or relationship that begins this way, whether or not it leads to marriage or a long-term commitment.

In psychology, romantic love is seen as a strong motivation that is different from, but related to, the emotional bond we call attachment. The words "romance" and "romantic love" have many meanings, sometimes even contradicting each other. As the philosopher Arthur Lovejoy once said, the word "romantic" has come to mean so many things that on its own, it may not mean much.

The idea of romantic love also shaped the belief that people should choose their own marriage and sexual partners based on love, not just practical or family reasons. However, this ideal is often hard to fully achieve and can bring both joy and challenges in relationships. Some people feel little or no romantic attraction at all and are known as "aromantic".

General definitions

The idea of "romantic love" has changed a lot over time, so it can be hard to define without looking at where it comes from in different cultures. The word is used in many ways by experts. In Western culture, it often means any kind of attraction between people, whether it includes deeper feelings or not. But "romance" and "love" are really different ideas. Some experts think people mix them up because of a long history of focusing on passionate feelings instead of simpler things like caring and commitment.

People sometimes use "romantic love" to talk about relationships that are different from other types, like marriage, parent-child bonds, or friendships. But some think romantic love can also be like a close friendship, where there are strong feelings but no deeper connections.

In fields like psychology, "romantic love" can mean a few different things, such as the idea of ideal love, being passionately in love, or many other ideas tied to love stories. One psychologist, Dorothy Tennov, once said that people’s reactions to romantic love in science can be confusing and don’t always agree.

The word "romance" comes from a Latin word meaning "Rome" or "Roman". After the Roman Empire fell, a Latin way of speaking called Romanice was used to talk about languages that came from Latin. In Old French, this turned into romans or romanz, which meant the language itself and also stories written in it. In the Middle Ages, these stories became tales of brave knights and love, called chivalric romance.

Some of the earliest stories with romantic feelings were written by French poets called troubadours. They often wrote about love that wasn’t returned and worshiping a lady. Poets like Chrétien de Troyes wrote books showing ideas of perfect love, encouraged by kings and queens in places like Poitiers. This idea of courtly love became a big part of stories about knights and love. The word “romance” came from these French stories.

Stories of romantic love often include tales of sad or impossible love, like Layla and Majnun, stories from Arthurian legend such as Lancelot and Guinevere, Tristan and Iseult, and Romeo and Juliet. Some stories, like Aucassin and Nicolette, end happily, showing a more balanced view of love. Today’s romance novel began in the 1700s, with writers like Jane Austen. Modern examples include Twilight and Star Wars.

People who study society say that “romantic love” often means believing in an ideal kind of love. Those who think this way might imagine a perfect partner, believe true love will last forever, and feel that love should overcome any problem. They might also think that love is the only reason to choose a partner, and that following your heart is more important than being practical.

Scientists have looked at romantic love from a biological point of view. They say it’s a strong feeling that helps people choose a partner and build relationships. This feeling involves the brain and chemicals like dopamine, which make us want something or someone. Some think this feeling is like an addiction, but others don’t all agree.

Different people experience love in different ways. Some prefer passionate, intense love, while others enjoy a calmer, steady kind of love. These different styles can affect how people act in relationships and how they feel about love.

Origin of romantic love

Further information: Biology of romantic love § Evolution of systems

Romantic love is thought to have developed in early humans a very long time ago. Scientists have studied this using brain scans, which show that romantic love activates parts of the brain linked to feeling good. One idea is that romantic love evolved to help people choose a partner, focusing attention and energy on one person. Another idea is that it changed systems in the brain originally used for bonding between parents and babies.

Some people once thought romantic love only existed in certain cultures, like in Europe, and not in others. But studies show that almost all cultures have some form of romantic or passionate love. Even in cultures where it isn’t as strong or common, many people still experience it.

Culture affects how romantic love is seen and practiced. For example, in some cultures, love isn’t seen as the main reason for marriage, and arranged marriages are common. Still, many people in these cultures say they fall in love after marrying. Overall, while romantic love is universal, its role and importance can vary a lot between different cultures.

Modern romance

Susan and Clyde Hendrick studied college students in 1993 and found that many talked about their closest friend as if it were a romantic partner. They discovered that friendship love is often a big part of early relationships.

In 2016, Victor de Munck and David Kronenfield looked at how people in the United States, especially in upstate New York and New York City, think about romantic love. They found that many believe a good romantic relationship mixes excitement with comfort and friendship. People should feel happy to see their partner, share deep feelings, feel at ease with them, and support each other.

In 2008, British writer Iain King suggested six good rules for the start of a romance. These include understanding your own feelings, being honest about your interest, and clearly sharing your affection or disinterest.

Helen Fisher supported using personality matches and online dating services, but a 2025 study showed that couples who met online were sometimes less happy than those who met in person. This might be because online dating gives too many choices or focuses too much on looks instead of real connections.

Philosophy

The philosopher Plato wrote about love in his dialogue called the Symposium. In this discussion among friends, different ideas about love were shared. One idea was that love feels like finding your "other half"—someone who completes you. Another idea was that true love means understanding deep, lasting beauty.

Later, during a time called the Romantic movement, people began to value strong feelings and personal passions more than rules or logic. Writers and thinkers explored love as a powerful emotion that could inspire great art and literature. Some believed that love could bring people together in happy marriages, while others thought love might lead to sadness or even tragedy. Overall, these ideas show how people have thought about love for many centuries.

Main article: Courtly love

Main article: Romanticism